So this is it, the time has finally come. It’s 7.30pm and I am just sitting down after putting my baby girl to bed. It is the night before starting school and all day there has been a sense of change in the air. From the moment she woke up, school has been playing on her little mind. So many unknown’s, so many questions and worries. She has been so excited about starting school. However, now the time is here she’s not sure what to make of it. Excitement, nervous anticipation…I feel it too.
This evening I wanted to make bed time extra special. Not the usual chaos that ensues after giving both kids a bath together, which let’s be honest is NEVER relaxing. Fighting them to brush their teeth and then the irritation of the stalling routine that follows. No, not tonight. Instead, I took Ruby off on her own after tea for a nice quiet bath with her Barbies. A time for her to relax and have some space away from her little Brother.
A few weeks ago I got Ruby a special box for starting school. Inside included lots of little milestone cards for different events throughout the year, a space for her first school photo, a box to record her achievements and best of all some bravery dust. This little pot of glitter brought tears to my eyes. This evening, as I read out the little poem I realised that I too was in need of this special dust and would definitely be requiring copious amounts of it tomorrow. I think she knew it too. We sprinkled some under Ruby’s pillow and she left some in my room for me….just in case (gulp!)
As I read her bedtime story and we spoke about her worries I realised that this time tomorrow I would no longer have this little girl all to myself. For nearly five years she has mostly been all mine. For five years I have had the pleasure of her company and the pleasure truly has been all mine. I wish back then I knew how quickly time would go, how fast these things would come around.
As I sit here now I make a promise to myself to stay strong. Tomorrow is not about me, it’s about my little girl taking her first steps towards independence and I really want her to enjoy it. That doesn’t mean I am not worried, mainly about the whole damn thing! Will she end up playing on her own at break times? Will she make friends? Have I made the right school choice? Can’t I just change my mind and keep her at home with me? I know all these things are probably normal and when I pick her up tomorrow hopefully many of these fears and worries would have passed.
Waving goodbye tomorrow is going to be one of the toughest things, I just know it. I think I am going to have to block out my emotions just to get through it. I know the moment I start to feel it that will be it, the tears will start flowing and I don’t want to subject anyone to that (especially not at the school gates when you are an ugly crier). So this is me signing off and switching off to get through tomorrows events as an emotionless stone. If you have little ones that started school last week, hats off to you. You got through it!! If like me, that day is tomorrow or this week, then GOOD LUCK. We are all in this together and we CAN do it.
Sending extra special bravery dust your way xxxxx