So this is it, as I sit here and write through blurry, wet eyes, it is officially R’s last day at Pre-School. Soon I will be taking our last walk up to the brick building that now holds so many memories and waving ‘Goodbye.’ Goodbye to all of the little friends that she has met on her journey so far, and all of the teachers that have nurtured and watched her grow. I feel so sad that this chapter has already come to an end. I am not sure why I feel this way as I know a new big adventure is about to start. I also know she is ready. Ready to start something new, ready to make new friends and ready to begin her new journey at school. That being said, I still feel like a complete emotional wreck, trying hard to block it out and hold it together. I am dreading this Pre-School pick-up and know I will be teetering on the edge of becoming a blubbering mess.
As I think back to the start of this chapter I recall many of the same worries I have now. Only then, it was about starting Pre-School. Will she settle okay? Will she make new friends? Will she be happy there? So many un-answered questions and such a big decision when you are trying to decide on the right Pre-School, Nursery or School to send them to. I never realised what a deep sense of responsibility I would feel making these choices on her behalf. However, I also know that I can massively over-think these things. Children are so adaptable and I am often surprised by how open she is to change. I must remember that!
I also know that no matter how much research, how much planning and consideration that goes into making these choices, things do not always go to plan. R was due to go to a different Pre-School near my old job. I had been to look at every Pre-School in the area, read up on Ofsted reports, spoke to friends and finally came to a decision. However, I took so long faffing that by the time I had done all this, the Pre-School was full. Frantically I searched for somewhere new and realised that the one place I had over-looked was being taken over by someone new. It was a risk, I had never even been there before, but it was close to home and I had a gut instinct about the place. It felt right. Regardless of the Ofsted reports and not being able to research the arse out of it, I just had a feeling that it was the right place for R to go. So that’s what she did and it couldn’t have worked out better. I left my job and began working from home (which was completely un-related) and R settled in like a dream.
When history repeated itself earlier this year and R didn’t get her first choice for school, instead of coming out in a hot sweat and panicking about what we were going to do, I felt a strange sense of relief. In my gut I felt like this was right. I do believe that some things happen for a reason, and like Pre-School, I think that there is a reason she didn’t get into our first choice of school and that all will be okay.
The hardest part…
This quote is so true and something that I keep coming back to lately:
Watching your little ones grow, learn new things and start that journey towards independence makes you feel so proud and so sad, all at that the same time. As babies, watching them grow is simply amazing and we often urge them to the next stage, as soon as one milestone has been reached. But as they get older, each stage seems to get harder. Each stage you want to hold on for that little bit longer. Willing time to slow down and the clock to stop. I know this is the beginning of our journey and I know it will only get harder. I remember my own Mum taking me to University and sobbing as she waved me goodbye. I didn’t understand why she was so sad, nothing would change. But it did. She knew everything was about to change, and now I know that too.
So, as I gear myself up to say a final farewell to this stage of our journey I look back with fondness at the people who have helped us get here. The Pre-School staff that have looked after my little girl (thanks just don’t seem like enough), and the support and love from family and friends who are going though, or have been through, the same emotional rollercoaster as I am experiencing. The journey is hard, it hurts your heart, but it is worth the ride. New and exciting things are on the horizon and the hardest part of Motherhood has only just begun.